someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
