I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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