you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This is the high leading the old right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
