i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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