I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
