I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
