Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
