i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
