This is not my ceiling
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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