she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
