Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
