his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
