if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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