Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I want a musical about memes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
