then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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