That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
