remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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