She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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