I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
