Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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