I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My hand turned me down
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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