Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
