Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
