Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
