You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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