hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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