This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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