how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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