Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
