I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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