I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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