Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize