You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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