Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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