I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
