Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
