Porn is love you can see.
Do vagina's smell?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
