A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
