is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
