I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
