Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
