i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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