i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
