Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
