I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
