i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
