I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
