I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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