Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
