You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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