feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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