I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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