between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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