What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
