my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
