By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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