oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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