too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
