Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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