Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
