Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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