I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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