You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
