May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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