Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
