Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
