Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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