I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were trust falling into bushes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
