I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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