just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
