Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
