i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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