well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
