brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
