I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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